Accidentally New Age*

Accidentally New Age is a little bit of a nudge this week, so don’t take it personally that she is giving you the stinkface and rolling her eyes. Unless you’re doing some stupid shit; then take it personally because you should know better.

Maybe it’s the smoky haze drifting up from the 1,088 wildfires burning in northern California. There’s something both incredibly beautiful and also wrong about the sun burning bright orange every morning. But ANA finds herself a little bit sluggish and prone to staring off into space this week. [ANA wonders: 108 is an auspicious number; is 1,088 extrauspicious? ANA also wonders why it is that we don’t smoosh more words together in English, like the French do.]

Or, maybe it’s because she can’t draw stick figures with any aptitude. There are a lot of things that ANA was terrible at as a kid that have kinda come to her naturally over the years — skipping, writing legibly, being remotely sociable — but drawing isn’t one of them. ANA doesn’t have low self esteem, but really, stick figures? She’s pretty sure her cat could handle drawing those.

Accidentally New Age dreamed of Michael Jackson last night. Well, not exactly. She dreamed that she went into the kitchen and Michael Jackson (or wait, was it Janet?) had left his lunch cooking on the stove. Where had he gone? ANA didn’t know, but she didn’t want his lunch to be ruined. What was his lunch? A fried 3-egg sandwich with 2 slices of American cheese and three Alka-Seltzer tablets. Yes. The Alka-Seltzer was inside the sandwich.

Oh, did ANA mention that while she was putting the Jackson sandwich together she was watching Dave Chappelle’s first show, which consisted of Dave doing cover versions of old songs. It wasn’t a particularly funny or good show, and ANA was surprised anyone ever watched it.

Accidentally New Age was enjoying the Saturday morning sunny-ness with her mom.

Mom: Wow, look at those clouds!  They’re amazing!

ANA: Yes. They look light and fluffy. Like light and fluffy clouds.

Mom: Yes!

Accidentally New Age received this voicemail yesterday:

The other day I was hanging out with my dad and I noticed that his aura was a bit off, so I smudged it, and now he’s cleansed.

Come on that’s got to get me in the blog, right? Come on!

Sure, Mike, ANA’s game.

But just so you know, while you were leaving that voicemail, Master Kataka was balancing ANA’s chakras with the didgeradoo x brought back from Australia.

Accidentally New Age is loving the poetry these days. This week she is especially enamored of this verse, from the Mahamudra:

The primordial purity of the mind

Is the nature of space.

There is nothing that anyone

Can receive or reject!

Namaste, kids.

Sianna was reciting poetry to us in class this weekend. Accidentally New Age fell in love with this poem, by Hafiz.

How did the rose

How did the rose

Ever open its heart

And give to this world

All its beauty?

It felt the encouragement of light

Against its being,

Otherwise, We all remain

Too frightened.

Last night, Accidentally New Age was returning home from her Anusara Immersion and thinking of the seven energy loops. She started at the bottom — ankle loop — and worked her way up. Shin loop, thigh loop, pelvic loop, kidney loop, shoulder loop. But for the life of her she couldn’t remember the name of the top loop. Chin loop? No, it’s definitely not called chin loop. But she really couldn’t remember.

When ANA got home, she booted up her computer and checked her blog. There was one new comment on her last post and it was from her teacher KK. The comment? Skull loop. The actual name of the top-most loop.

Accidentally New Age doesn’t know what you do with your New Moon intentions, but she usually keeps hers held close; private. But some of them are nice and lighthearted and simple to share.

This moon cycle, for example, ANA is working on her handstands. A daily practice devoted to increasing the amount of time she can stay in them (against the wall), in addition to a daily practice working toward balancing on her own, in the middle of the room.

ANA would like to know some of your New Moon intentions.

Doesn’t it seem like going retrograde is just about the only thing Mercury does?

Accidentally New Age’s yoga teacher KK talks a lot about going slower, being quieter, when Mercury goes retrograde. Doing those things because you know the situation, and maybe that other person, the irrational one who seems to be angry at you for just living, isn’t aware of the planetary forces.

During this retrograde cycle, ANA has been noticing her tendency to blame other people for situations she could very well have approached differently:

As ANA ran down the stairs to catch the train this weekend she got impatient with her neighbor, who was walking slowly up the stairs, talking on his cell phone, and making it impossible to pass.

Was it his slowness that caused her to miss the J Church by fifteen seconds?

Maybe.

But she probably could have left her apartment two minutes earlier.

What is a recurring theme you’ve noticed during retrograde?

ANA: Knock knock.

You: Who’s there?

ANA: Namaste.

You: Namaste who?

ANA: Namaste, motherfuckers!

pause

You: That’s stupid.

ANA: Oh.