Accidentally New Age*

Things that Accidentally New Age doesn’t like to hear from her Reiki practitioner: “You might detox a little bit.” ANA has been receiving massages of all varieties for many years now and has always shrugged off this idea of post-massage detoxing. She makes it a point to drink plenty of water after a massage, and that’s about the end of it.

Until the first time she went to her Reiki lady. Not one to do things in a small way, ANA opted for a two-hour session, one hour of Shiatsu followed by one hour of Reiki. She walked home feeling blissful, ate dinner, and sat down to watch Prison Break. But toward the end of Prison Break it was apparent that there were strange things going on in the intestinal region. She tried to make it through to the end of the show, but no…the bathroom called.

ANA will spare you the gory and disgusting details, but she would like to point out that the difference between this detoxing event and, say, food poisoning, was that there was an inner vibration of sorts occurring. It was a tinny feeling on the inside, and it seemed like she was shaking all over, but the vibration was entirely internal, like when you can tell that a bell is ringing, but you can’t actually see its movements.

The moral of all of this being that after ANA’s last Reiki session, she heard those infamous words yet again, “There was quite a lot of activity going on in your stomach. Don’t be surprised if you detox a little bit over the next few days.”

Ah, the price we pay for bliss.

My head is so heavy, it’s hanging like the moon. — Tom Brosseau

Last night’s full moon was so bright, all Accidentally New Age could do was stare at it and smile. After tripping over the sidewalk for the third time, Accidentally realized that it is not a good idea to walk down the street staring up at the sky with no regard for the earthly world.

At the end of Unsilent Night, the crowd made its way to the sidewalk in Dolores Park. From the hill, Accidentally New Age could look down Church Street at the silhouettes of people walking slowly, two by two, carrying their boom boxes, adding to the traveling orchestration. There were people as far as ANA could see. What seemed like a smallish crowd when we started out had expanded into this wonderfully warm, serene, cozy mass. As the collective music came to an end, we all stood there, quiet for a moment before applauding our joint effort. As ANA started walking out of the park a young man approached, wide-eyed, and asked, “Does this happen every Saturday?”

I wish. Just once a year.

In KK’s yoga workshop we celebrated the upcoming solstice. KK brought in her cauldron and invited everyone to take a cleansing bath in the smoke from the frankincense she was burning. Accidentally New Age told her Dad about how KK walked from mat to mat and each person drew the smoke to themselves, bathing head and then heart with the purifying smoke.

Accidentally New Age’s dad asked, chuckling, “Did you do that?”

“Fuck yeah! Who doesn’t want to cleanse their heart chakra?”

This weekend’s phone call:

Accidentally New Age: Hello?

you: Hey there, what are you up to?

ANA: Oh, not much. Just rearranging some things to make a tea nook.

you: A tea nook? Is that some kind of New Age thing?

ANA: No. It’s just going to be a space to sit and drink tea and contemplate.

you: Hm. Sit, drink tea, and contemplate. Yeah, I guess I can see how you might not think that sounds New Age.